She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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