It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
