My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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