Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
