was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
