I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
