I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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