could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
me + whiskey = a bad person
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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