Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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