i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
