I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
