operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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