So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
