In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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