i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
