I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
