i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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