I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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