Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
