Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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