Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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