you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
