Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
