how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
