This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
