so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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