i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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