Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
