Apparently you make a good broom.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
