Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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