I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
