On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
