Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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