i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
