I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
