I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
