Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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