Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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