My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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