i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize