you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
