Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
