My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
