I cockslap morals
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
