had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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