hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
