i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
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Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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