I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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