Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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