All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
