Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
