My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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