chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
