Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
