Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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