My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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