dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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