she was so not down for the gang bang
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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