He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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