she was so not down for the gang bang
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
