I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
