Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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