Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
