I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
