I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
