It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
