Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
