I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize