i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
