i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
