In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Semen is not good for contacts.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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