Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
