Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
