In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
