I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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